


Make a Wish

by JohnVM



Category: South Park
Genre: Gen, M/M, Roleplay, i'm not sure how to tag this particular work, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-12 21:04:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnVM/pseuds/JohnVM
Summary: Less-than-noble warriors Bill and Fosse bring the right-hand man of the elves, Ranger Stan Marshwalker, before their wise and beautiful Princess for an interrogation and a final decision regarding his fate.





	Make a Wish

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Rachel (Mad_Cow5678) for the request!

he waited, seething, blooming. The Princess lightly pet the rat perched on her shoulder, running her fingers through its soft fur. Her pets would wait, but this conversation could not, she knew it.

The warrior returned from battle, a crack running in his blue warrior's helmet as he looked at the floor, disarmed and humiliated. His canine familiar had returned to the elves to report his capture but for now, he was at the mercy of the two human barbarians pulling him to see their glorious leader, the Princess. 

"Heh, this prisoner's gay, heh." 

"Heh, yeah, totally gay." 

"Silence, knights. Where is the Warrior's sword?" she asked, eyes narrowing at them quickly. The two knights, Fosse and Bill, exchanged confused glances, before the knight with the full head of oily, unkempt hair stepped forward, chuckling instinctively as he handed her the finely-crafted wooden sword. "Thank you. Wait outside." 

The two knights looked at each other and shrugged, exiting the throne room as promised, or rather, going through the screen doors of the residence, leaving the two alone, but within viewing distance to make sure the warrior did not escape. "H-hey, you want a coke or somethin'?" Bill asked Fosse as they seemed to be on break in the kitchen. 

Back in the wilderness of the Princess' Castle, she stared down her prisoner, "So, we meet again." 

"So we do." the warrior protested defiantly, "Still letting those two lunkheads do your bidding, Princess Kenny?" 

The Princess chuckled, stringing a few fingers through her blonde locks before flipping them, "In these desperate times, a true lady can only afford to get her hands dirty when she needs to." she let out a giggle, "Not that you might know about such a thing, Ranger." 

"Of course I know. I'm the one who forged the alliance between the Elven Kingdom and the Amazons, wasn't I?" the warrior protested, "I have known many women." 

"Tsk tsk, but an Amazon warrior is no lady." the Princess replied, "A true lady doesn't need silly armor, for a true lady is a skilled enough warrior to need none when she's drawn into battle. It certainly helps her look fabulous when she interrogates her prisoners." 

"I don't care what you think." he protested, "You may be the rightful Princess by birth, but you run a kingdom of human barbarians, without morality or democracy to guide you. We elves have a grand library of knowledge, and elect our leaders. We're refined. More human than you are." 

"Some humans don't truly know what's good enough for them until strong men and beautiful women tell them so." the Princess replied, relishing the conversation now, "Those are strong words from someone without such pointy ears himself, Ranger Marshwalker." 

A blush crossed the warrior's face, "Don't-" 

"Do the elves know you're a blood traitor, Stan?" a devilish grin crossed her face, "A human by birth, of course, raised by elves, but certainly no elf himself. The bravest warrior they say, but only because his human blood allows him to be the barbarian he was born to be, pledged to fight for his King to prove his loyalty." she shook her head, "Pathetic." she let out another laugh that seemed to evoke a more genuine surprise from the warrior. 

"You'll never win this fight, Princess." he insisted, "There are things about the elves you don't understand, that you underestimate..." a catchier phrase seemed on the tip of his tongue, but refused to present itself. 

"I know a lot more about elves than you understand, child." she replied, interrupting him without flinching, "I can relate in some ways, being an outsider, being seen as a traitor to your cause..." she remembered the screams of her parents' murder at the hands of barbarians and elves alike, "No matter. Stories for another time." One day, the Stick of Truth would belong to her and nobody else... 

The Princess turned, "You are my prisoner, but... I will defer to custom and offer you that which is offered to all human barbarians slated for execution, even blood traitors." she replied, her devious smirk shining in the darkening sky, " You may make one wish, and I will do my best to grant it." 

"Make a wish?" Ranger Marshwalker looked up to the sky, and then back at the Princess, breathing in, "I suppose then, if you are willing to grant any request, I can only ask for... a kiss from the fairest maiden in all of the land." 

Fanning herself, the Princess grinned, "Oh, well, if that is indeed your last request, I surely have no choice but to grant it." she approached slowly, "Given I am, of course, the fairest maiden in ALL of the land." 

"Oh, surely. No one could rival your beauty, fair Princess." he insisted, stepping closer, holding his head forward. The Princess looked at the soft skin of his cheek, cupping it in her gloved hand, then brought her face forward for a gentle kiss on the lips. 

Stan's eyes widened a moment, not having fully expected this, but he shut his eyes for a moment before the Princess pulled away so tantalizingly quickly, letting out a giggle, "Was that a worthwhile last request before your execution?" 

"...kisses restore full health and mana, remember Kenny?" Stan grinned, tossing away his restraints, drawing the sword he had retrieved from her hand during their kiss, and dashing away towards the fence. 

The Princess turned angrily toward the screen doors, "Bill? Fosse? What the fuck!?" 

Fosse hiccuped from his soda can, "Heheh, I dared Bill to drink pop rocks and coke, and now he's stuck in the bathroom, heheh, his stomach's gonna explode." the Princess tapped her foot, and the barbarian rubbed the back of his neck, "What?" 

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to be very careful here to use the Zaron setting to craft dramatic tension without breaking the mythology established in the associated episodes and game, which isn’t necessarily consistent in and of itself... while also never losing sight of the kids playing the game. Layers of canon and layers of story.
> 
> For the record, the name Ranger Stan Marshwalker is from the game, somewhere.


End file.
